Legends of Singapore (fortunately incomplete)

Maybe we could title this--How not to write a short story (Jerusalem will be the positive example). I could not get myself to finish the parody:

About 100 years ago, there was a young Malay boy by the name of Utama. As his name would indicate, he was none other than the 7th generation descendant of Sang Nila Utama himself--the one who saw the Lion. One day, he was walking by the beach of Changi when he heard a strange whisper from a nearby banana tree. He staggered backwards, his heart thumping in fear. He had heard legends of pontianaks haunting such trees...

He screamed as a boy's pale head appeared from the tree.

'Utama, be not afraid!' the specter howled thunderously.
Utama froze in petrification.

The head smiled a toothy grin before continuing:
'Behold, I am here to bring you good tidings. I am none other than the clever boy who advised the Sultan to plant banana trees along the coast of Singapore--the one who was stabbed by that jealous creep and the one whose blood made Red Hill Red!'
'You...are a ghost!'
'Of course! What else could a talking head from a banana tree be? But I am here not to curse you, nor to suck your blood--though I am very much deprived of it--but to bless. I am here to reveal to you your true destiny! And you can trust me. Surely you know how smart I am?' said the ghost, winking at him.

Utama breathed in deep. He had dreamt of this. He had dreamt last night that someone, something, will come and reveal his true life's quest.

'Speak.'
'Go to the beach at Clifford Pier at midnight. There you will be told what to do.'

Thus at midnight Utama went obediently to Clifford Pier. There were some coolies resting around, smoking opium. Suddenly a cold wind blew and the coolies collapsed asleep onto the ground.

A lion's head popped out of the sea.
'Hi, I am the Merlion.'
'AHHHHH!'
'Am I so ghastly?' the Merlion asked, rather annoyed, 'but it's alright, Sang Nila had the same reaction. I do miss him. He was really a handsome prince.' The Merlion smiled wistfully.
'Aren't you supposed to be a lion?' Utama asked suspiciously.
'The top part yes. I am slightly mutated--a uniquely Singaporean organism that blesses these waters. My boy, one day my statue shall adorn this place! This is a sure prophecy. And my mouth shall spurt rivers of fresh water into the salty sea!'
'Is that what I am supposed to do? Raise funds to build a statue for you?'
'Oh, no, no. That will happen by itself. I will send a dream into the head of some rich and important man..Your mission is to rescue my egg.'
'Your egg?'
'As you can see, the lower part of my body is that of a fish, and fish lay eggs! It is part of my unique evolutionary heritage.'
'Um. Ok. So where is your egg?'

'Hidden somewhere in Bukit Timah hill for the last 700 years. Indeed, that was what I was doing when your ancestor saw me. It wasn't exactly dignified: I was laying my egg, squeezing it out with some difficulty, when this nice handsome young prince pounced onto me. Oh!'
'Surely you know where it is?'
'Actually I don't. I sort of wondered away with the handsome prince. After that I could not locate my egg anymore.'
'Are you sure the egg still...exists?'
'Of course. Don't you know that a Merlion egg can survive temperatures of up to 10,000 degrees (that, by the way, is the temperature of the sun!) and is able to smash diamonds!'
'But Bukit Timah is so huge! Where am I to find it?'
'Tomorrow, something important is about to take place in Bukit Timah: a group of goody old men will survey the hill to find a wastefully big spot to build a school. My feminine intuition tells me that they are going to build it right on top of my precious egg! Can you imagine that?'